Focused on Happiness | A Denver Bond Story

When I was pregnant with my son, Jackson, I knew I wanted to breastfeed him. I had read many stories and I was aware there could be challenges and it does not come easily for everyone. I was induced at 37 weeks because of hypertension and had an easy labor and delivery but Jack needed a little extra suctioning and help with breathing when he was first born.  We immediately put him to my breast but he didn’t really get the sucking part down, he had a shallow latch and had difficulty from the beginning. We were told this is due to him being born at 37 weeks and his latch would get stronger with time. I was using a nipple shield and putting him on my breast every two hours around the clock for those first days.

We used donor milk at the hospital and I was pumping to encourage my milk to come in. We took him home the next day and had a nurse visit at home the morning after. The nurse determined he was jaundiced and dehydrated from not receiving enough milk at my breast so we began supplementing with formula while he was under the PEP bed light to treat his jaundice. He took to the bottle with no problems and greedily drank the formula!

I ended up renting a hospital grade breast pump from a local company to encourage my milk to come in because the pump supplied through my insurance was too weak to get my milk flowing. The hospital grade pump, Mother’s Milk Tea and cluster pumping did bring my milk in after a couple of days and I was still putting him to my breast regularly. I eventually began bottle feeding him my breast milk as his latch was still shallow and painful for me.

Unfortunately, I developed mastitis soon after. I did get that cleared up with hot packs and antibiotics. I continued to pump but had developed what the doctor referred to as “significant nipple damage”. Words no lactating person wants to hear! I managed to push through and was producing enough milk that this became his primary source of nutrition. His latch got better and I was putting him to my breast a few times a day but it was still painful for me. I suspect he had a mild tongue tie that was missed by his doctor.  I thought we were smooth sailing but then I started to notice lots of very pink milk when I was pumping and pulled out a few alarmingly large blood clots out of my left breast.

My doctor informed me that this could happen (I had no idea) and I had most likely broken capillaries while pumping.  Jack was 10 weeks old and at this point I was feeling very discouraged. My left “problem” breast felt like it was on the verge of mastitis often and I was regularly doing Epsom salt soaks, heat and massage to reduce pain and encourage milk flow.  This is when I began considering a total switch to formula. After lots of tears, mom guilt and a conversation with his pediatrician I decided our breastfeeding journey was coming to an end.

It was a difficult decision and one that I really struggled with at first. The switch over went ok, he had no issues taking the formula but did develop some loose stools for a few days. Que more mom guilt! I constantly went back and forth with myself about whether or not I was making the right choice.  He is now a happy and growing boy who is almost seven months old.  I’m proud of myself for sticking it out through some very hard times in those early days and nourishing him for as long as I did.

We do lots of cuddles and eye contact while he drinks his bottles today to recreate that bonding babies crave while eating. Becoming a mom has been a challenging and exciting experience and I’ve learned that not everything goes according to plan. My number one focus is his health and happiness and I’m much better at that when I am healthy and happy too!

Follow up question: How did you choose the formula you have been nourishing your son with?

I had received some formula samples in the mail while I was pregnant and saved all of them just in case. I was prepared for the possibility that breastfeeding wouldn't be in the cards and we might need to supplement so I made sure to have two weeks of formula and bottles on hand.  We used Enfamil Gentle ease to start and he took to it so well we just kept going with that. It's scary to think about the possibility of another formula shortage so I started ordering bulk replacement packs directly from the Enfamil website. We are fortunate to have the means to always keep at least a two week stash on hand at all times.