I originally wanted to nurse when I found out I was pregnant with my first. As an adoptee that was formula fed and had many GI issues, I knew the breastmilk my body would produce would be best for my child.

I however ended up with the toxic mindset of "breast is best". I chose to breastfeed my second but learned to have a more open-minded approach. I plan to nurse my 3rd due at Thanksgiving, my goal is always EBF (exclusively breastfed) but if it's not exclusive that's okay too.

I can humbly admit I knew NOTHING about breastfeeding the first time around just as most every single first time mama. It wasn't until my WIC coordinator told me about their IBCLC (International Board Certified) and BF (Breastfeeding) support group that I started to learn and become educated.

I utilized these resources religiously with my first but found it a tad bit harder to use consistently with my second. I plan to find someone to potentially help me so I can religiously go to this group in whatever capacity is allowed with the current state of the world.

I am INTIMIDATED to be breastfeeding with unknown capacities of support in a pandemic. The last 2 times were struggles similar and different. Both babies were small, we are talking 5.12 and 4.13 at birth.

Miracle Kisses photography, kid playing in a lake

Latching my first - knowing she was getting enough, not responding to a pump and slow weight gain were her main challenges, but we made it 13 months with supplementation that took me a lot of courage to admit we needed to do with formula.

My son had a shallow latch for a bit but made leaps and bounds. We supplemented from the get-go until he was efficient and gaining enough to wean supplementation. He then decided to start weaning himself at 8.5 months and was off the breast onto full formula at 9 months.

This killed me inside, but I was struggling so horribly with Postpartum Depression that I couldn't bring myself to EP (exclusively pump). My goal is yet again 13 month or more with baby number 3 and I am expecting a small baby with latching issues and potential weight gain issues.

I have plans to do some things a bit differently and instead of triple feed like I did with the last 2 work with the WIC IBCLC to supplement pumped milk. Weirdly enough the goal is an oversupply for the first 6-12 weeks then regulate.

I have support from WIC's IBCLC, I have family that is super supportive and virtual support as well. My oldest is such a "mother hen" she would always want to watch me nurse my son and thought the pump was cool because she could see the milk expression from my breast.

She would and still does "nurse" all her babies and stuffies! I let her play with a manual pump while I use my electric so she can pump too. my son has started to realize there is a baby in my belly and I caught him most likely unknowingly "nursing" a baby the other day -- cue the hormones because I about ugly cried with joy.

mom playing with her kids in a creek, miracle kisses

I always have to pump while nursing. We have a love hate relationship. I am still trying to find the best pump for me. I have had to try quite a few and will be trying some other brands this go around to see what works best. I can say the Hakkaa has been my best friend so far as I can catch and save letdown on the opposite side while nursing and supplementing that. It is my #1 ‘must have’ for a breastfeeding mama for sure!

My first was a goal of 1 year and we made it 13 months with help. My second was 6 months and I almost quit SO many times! We made it to 9 and it was a struggle, I honestly think I should have quit sooner as it may have helped with my PPD (Post-Partum Depression) but I am a strong willed woman. This time the goal is 13 months, but I am open to seeing what happens on this unique journey.

I love the convenience and intimacy of nursing. There are just too many things I love about it but these by far are top 2 in that order. I mainly wish I would have documented it better with both. It seems so taboo, yet it is something that is normal.

Baby hugging mom photography, denver mommy and me photographer

The fact that we have to advocate to normalize breastfeeding seems taboo to me. My advice to moms is EDUCATE yourself! There are SO many resources and groups now that are more than willing to inform on all sides. You need to choose what is best for you and your baby and ignore everyone else's opinions.

My second piece of advice is ADVOCATE, speak up and don't be silenced. Your journey is beautiful no matter how short or long, with or without help. If you feel convicted to say something do it, share and normalize breastfeeding. I am not saying we need to run down the streets, baby on breast flailing burning bras, but if you don't want to cover up then don't and if you do that's perfectly fine to.

Thank you for reading Amber’s story. Leave a comment to help encourage her for her third little nursling.

Do you want to share your story? Contact me to start the discussion.