Day Fifteen | Kendra's Journey | A Story of PPD and Nursing with Siblings
Killian is my third baby and so many things have been different this time around. It seems to be a combination of so many factors from having two other kiddos to take care of to how quickly I got pregnant after removing my birth control. Seems there is always another curve ball for us.
A huge issue we have had this time around is becoming pregnant almost immediately after I got of my last birth control. I don’t think my hormones really had a chance to level out. Part of me just knew I was going to develop post-partum depression – which I did. See the months leading up to Killian’s birth were very stressful (not that is has to be to develop PPD) – we had moved shortly before he born, I lost my job, we were really struggling.
I didn’t recognize what was going on at first. The only real symptoms I had in the beginning were weepiness and overeating. Not much to go off of. But I finally got to the point where all I did was sit on the couch and cry all day.
That was when I knew I needed help. I started to see a family therapist who specializes in PPD. It really helps to have an outside perspective on what is actually going on. I think it really helps me with my husband as well. We don’t fight nearly as much because I know where some of these feelings are coming from and how to discuss them with him instead of just weeping on the couch.
Nursing with Siblings
It is always a struggle to bring a baby home and try to balance between the baby and other kids. It’s especially hard when you’re trying to get on any kind of a schedule. The older two make a schedule for the baby impossible and the baby males it impossible to keep a schedule for the other two. At this point, I could sleep in with the baby but my other two wake up at 7. Coffee has become my best friend.
We even had some issues with finishing to potty train the first two (my oldest son took almost 3 years to fully train). Trying to do keep the baby nourished and breastfeed while running after the older two was a nightmare. Especially when it came to Killian wanting to nurse and having to get in the bathroom to help the other kids wipe. Being a challenge is an understatement. I have been learning to babywear, it really lets me be able to do a lot more with still caring for Killian.
There are some very sweet moments too having all three. My son, who is very used to me breastfeeding, doesn’t seem to pay much attention to the whole idea anymore. Kyrie, my daughter, on the other hand loves Killian. She will pretend to nurse her babies or give him kisses on the head while he is nursing.
I do always make sure that all of my kids feel loved and get mommy time. My daughter likes to hand me toys, even when I am nursing to play with at the same time. For my son, our favorite activity is going outside and having a lightsaber duel.
I love nursing for so many reasons: he gets everything he needs, the bonding time I get with just him, and the fact that we co-sleep. He is like my teddy bear – I can’t sleep without him. With that said, he has had several sleep regressions in his 5 months of life. He is back to waking up many times a night. On bad days he will wake up hourly.
Co-sleeping started with my first son for about 7 months, then with my daughter for 13 months, so it made sense to co-sleep with this one. We have been co-sleeping now for five months. It is easier to swaddle and sleep than wake up pick him up and nurse stay awake and put back down. I'm usually awake while he nurses but when he pops off I roll away still facing him so there's never a chance to roll over on him. It helps with the regression too because he's close to me so it comforts him quicker.
Post-partum depression sucks. It makes you feel alone and cry while you are trying to nourish this poor soul, while simultaneously getting tears on his head. It makes you feel like your failing at everything. It causes panic attacks during 4 o clock feedings or tears because of a blowout. But, you’re not alone. Every mom has been in your place - either with you at that moment or many years ago. Please seek help or reach out. Never ignore the signs. Never think you’re alone. Never be afraid to reach out for help.
What issues have you come across in your nursing journey? Would you like to share your story or celebrate your journey in personal photographs? I would love to discuss your perfect session.